(Dear Sydette) Bad (Sad) Bitch Music

Sydette,

This letter has been weeks in the making, mostly because I had no idea what to write about. So much is happening, both personally and publicly, and I've been admittedly overwhelmed by all of it. So much so that I’ve been spending a good chunk of my time just trying to keep myself from falling into a depression cycle.

Then Hayley Williams dropped new music and I knew exactly what I could write to you about.

I feel like every generation a white girl comes out with white girl music that speaks to my (and others’) Black girl heart. Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks, Alanis Morissette, all white women who are in their lanes and their bags who have large Black female audiences because they express emotions and situations with a raw genuineness that resonates with Us. I feel like Hayley Williams slots right in there with those women.

I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. Even before I had the words or diagnosis for it the overwhelming sadness would hover over me, but expressing that sadness was always frowned upon, whether that expression was crying or fighting. The coping mechanism that was most acceptable from me was optimism, positive thinking was always a better alternative than being perceived as an emotional person in a Black girl's body. So back when Paramore released After Laughter, I found something that took that toxic positivity and flipped it on its head; upbeat songs that capture all of the anger and sadness I struggled with but let me sing them in my car. Loudly. Cut to 2020 with Hayley’s solo album Petals for Armor, a much darker tone in the music but that melodic voice from Ms. Hayley made feeling the feelings much more bearable. Especially during something as heavy and dark as a global pandemic, that album made feeling my feelings more natural, and less like something I should be ashamed of. Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I’m sad. Yes, I want to cry. Yes, I want to fight. I want to do all of those things, and that’s perfectly fine. Feelings are messy, but they’re meant to be felt.

Now with the new string of singles that she released this week, my ability to feel my feelings is renewed.

I won’t go over each song with you, but for me currently my two favorites are Mirtazapine, a love song to her antidepressant, and Love Me Different, a song about leaving a difficult relationship and finding solace in knowing someone else will love you differently, even if that someone is just yourself. Those are my initial recommendations but I think you will also appreciate Hard and True Believer. Hard is where Hayley gets the most Alanis and that 90s vibe in the bassline is a vibe!

When you can, give them a listen and tell me what you think.

Talk to you soon!

-De Ana